This Christian journey is HARD. I’ve felt so far from Him recently to the point where I was absolutely fed up and living in despair. But earlier this week, I read a quote that reminded me that I was just a speck while he was the Alpha and Omega. It also reminded me that it was never God who was far away. It was ME! I was the problem as per usual. My faith became weak and was waning.

When I had my epiphany this week, I realized that I am REALLY hard-headed because I know that maintaining a relationship with Christ is the cornerstone of feeling close to Him. So why have I let myself pick up nasty habits and turn away from habits that help me feel closer to Him, such as reading my Bible daily, meditating on the word, praying consistently, and feeding my spirit with worship and things that are of Him and of His Word? At one end, it’s laziness – why can’t it be easy? Why can’t I hear his voice? It used to be that I could easily hear his voice, but now it is hard, and this should be a sign to be even more dedicated to my devotions and quiet times with the Lord.

Today, while at church, they talked about the mustard seed, and I was immediately reminded of Matthew 17:20-21 which talks about how the tiniest of faith can allow you to tell the mountains to move, and they will move. I am so saddened by the lack of faith in the church because if we really believed that we could tell the mountain to move and it would be moved, then we all as a body would be in a better place. Faith has always been an integral part of my life, but I feel as if I relied heavily on the faith of my parents and elders to get us out of situations. I feel as though I was heavily dependent on their prayers, their sacrifices, their fasting and their faith. At this junction in life, it is no longer sustainable the thirst I have for the Lord and for His presence requires my own sacrifices, my own faith and my own fasting.

Here are 4 Ways I Plan to Strengthen My Relationship with God & Deepen my Faith

I was listening to Apostle Joshua Selman just last night and he said the reason why Christians are failing is because we don’t have a prayer life and we don’t have a personal relationship. And I honestly felt as if the Lord was pulling me up through the Apostle’s words. Lack of consistency and lack of deep prayer has led to stagnation in my prayer life.

• Daily Prayer: I am dedicating myself to TWO devotionals daily, with dedicated prayer and quiet times. I want to spend time in his presence each day, praying and just basking in his presence. I miss hearing His voice and listening to what He wants me to do during the day. I want to get back to that point and reach an even deeper level.
• Bible Reading: Umm… my bible app has been malnourished, and my physical bible, the pages have almost turned brand new. THAT’S HOW LITTLE I’ve been in the Word in recent months. It is sad to say that I have not been consuming the bread of life, and it shows in how I feel and how I’ve been living my life. For more reading, I want to read at least eight chapters each day and study a memory verse for the week. Matthew 4:4, 2 Timothy 3:16-17 and Hebrews 4:12. 
• Worship & Praise: I need to go back to expressing my gratitude and love for God. Romans 12:1–2 is one of my favourite scriptures when it comes to what worship is—presenting my body as a living sacrifice and how our minds should be transformed. I want to focus on living a life of worship and praise that is good, acceptable, and perfect in the sight of the lord.
• Community Involvement: This is really simple I need to find a new church or new church service(s) that I can join virtually. I need to be living the Matthew 18:20 life right at this moment!

            Here’s what I am committed to acknowledging that having doubts and struggles are part of the journey. More importantly, there are benefits of overcoming doubts and struggles. I marvel at how the Israelites WITNESSED all these miracles and STILL had the nerve to build a golden calf and complain about God. More importantly, there are those who had doubts and fears but overcame them and renewed their trust and faith in the Lord.

            When I’m faced with doubts, I love to read those scriptures where the children of Israel triumphed. Those stories were about the enemy being in front of and behind them, and the Lord going before them, clearing the enemy armies, and giving Israel victory. Good worship songs can dig you out of anything. Listen to those inspirational songs based on biblical facts that speak about who God is and encourage yourself.

            The last few months have been a battleground in my mind, which has led to what feels like a deterioration of my relationship with the Lord. My goal is to rebuild this relationship, draw closer to God and grow my faith in him. One thing I know for certain is that those who actively believe in manifestation don’t play with their belief system. They hacked the systems of the world, and they have faith in whatever they are manifesting. And if I genuinely believed what god said when I decree a thing, it shall happen, and the next few weeks will be me just waiting for the manifestation of these things while I build and strengthen my relationship with the Lord.